In My Write Mind
3.16.2005

Punk'd...The Lost Episode

*rolling cameras*

Promo: Coming up...on PUNK'D! Ashton and the crew go to Memphis, Tennessee for their latest Punk'd adventure. Find out what happens when a friendly game of Laser Tag turns into a trip to the Punk-kin patch.

*Cue Punk'd theme music*

Ashton *into camera 1*: "Hey, peoples. Today...we're doing it country-style, live and direct from good ole Memphis, Tennessee--home of Elvis Presley, home of Staxx Records *cut to camera 2*, home of Chef from South Park, the nation's best BBQ. *back to camera 1* Oh, and LeMoyne-Owen College, a historically black college that currently has about 900 students enrolled.

*camera 2*"Here in Memphis is where our latest Punk'ing takes place. You ever meet someone who just goes on and on about how good they are and how they're gonna bust your ass at something when given the chance? Don't you HATE those people? Don't you just wish they would be cut down to size? Then tonight is your night. Meet Will Dawson. Wait. I just looked at him. Looks more like a light skinned Bill Cosby. *camera 1*Sorry Mr. Cosby. *2* Seems ole Willie Boy's been bragging to everyone on the campus that he's da shizznit at laser tag. *1* That nobody can beat him. *2* Ole Willie Boy's about to get a real lesson in humility. Yeah. After this, his name's gonna be Humility Willie. *1* Mark.my.words.

"OK. Our accomplices tonight, helping us teach Mr. WriteMind a lesson are Ms. Hedgeman *still shot of her*, director of career services at the school; all 20 students *group shot of them*, who listened for two days as Willll ran off at the mouth about his superiority (*flashback of hidden camera catching Will blabbing: "I could beat you with two hands tied behind me and one of my testicles in a sling. Bitches."*); and the workers at the facility, who are really our team members Moochie and Trombone. *camera 1* We're ready for you, Willie Boyyyyy...you're gettin chopped up like some Memphis barbeque, buddy.

Scene 1: In the LeMoyne-Owen College parking lot

Will: You students wish you had my skills. I'm the baddest laser tagger in the world. I invented the word laser from one of the L's in my name. I was sitting around when you weren't even born yet, figuring out how to use the extra L. And then laser was born. Bitches.

Ms. Hedgeman: Leave those students alone, Will. You're gonna scare them. You SHOULD go easy on them today when we get out there. Let them win.

Will: Let them WIN? HAAA! Never. They NEED to be scared, bad as I am. They're gonna catch my wrath!!! *starts singing his laser song while the students secretly chuckle at him*

*cameras shift to laser tag facility, where Ashton and crew set up for the group's arrival*

Moochie: Hi, I'm Moochie. Today, we're fittin to teach this big mouth a lesson. We got fake laser guns, suits that will light up as if he's been hit at random intervals, and we told him that everyone's outfits would be white, which is a definite no-no for laser tag.

Trombone: Whassup? This is 'Bone. Today, we're gonna make this cat think he's trippin. We have two-way mirrors set up in the laser maze, and we're gonna keep a spotlight on his ass at all times so that EVERYBODY knows where he is. Easy.ass.target. Laser THIS, Willie Boy.

Moochie: And last but not least, we've made it so that every time he fires his gun, he'll get an electric shock. Not enough to kill him, but you see his beard? *cut to photo of Will with beard* Yeah, that joint will be acting out the Ludacris Stand Up video. *laughs*

Ashton: Take your places, fellas. Here they come.

Scene 2: At Laser Quest

Moochie: Welcome to Laser Quest, LeMoyne-Owen College. Today, since there's so many of you, we're gonna break you up into two teams. Faculty and visitors on one team, students on the other. Faculty is the green team. Students, you're red. Now step up for your code names and then we'll go into the maze.

Student #1: Make sure you pick a good name, Mr. Dawson. You know, since you're the king and all.

Will: Don't worry about me. Worry 'bout yourself. I'ma be performing laser eye surgery up in Memphis today. Play your asses like an old Elvis guitar. In fact, that's my nickname today. Gimme Elvis for two wins. Bitches.

Moochie: Elvis, it is. Wait...are you gonna play in those dress shoes and white shirt?

Will: Hellus yeah. Shiii...if bad guys in the movies can be in suits while running top speeds, surely I can. Besides, these kids are my light work. I'm dressed for success!!!! *pause* Wait, where did everybody go? Why are they all changing clothes?

*cue Punk'd bumper music*

Next up...on Punk'd:

Will: My gun...my gun's not working.

Trombone: Just try pulling the trigger, man.

Will: *cue electric shock* Yeeaowwwwwwwww! What the *#$!&!!!*

*cut to Ashton and Ms. Hedgeman laughing hysterically*

Ms. Hedgeman: Tag, you're it. Bitch. *laughing*

Commercial Break

*Next up...on an all new PowergiRls...Lizzie realizes her mistake and fires the black member of the team. Lizzie: "You just weren't blonde enough..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

scribbled by Will at 3/16/2005 06:09:00 PM
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Mind Droppings

I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear. (Joan Didion)



The Write One


Will. Lefty. Since Summer 1971.
Over the next six months, I'll be saying some hellos, some goodbyes. Living, laughing, growing. Don't.miss.a.word.
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