In My Write Mind
***Soundtrack: "Born to Lose," Ray Charles, RAY Original Soundtrack***
It's been a weird day. Seriously. Not just because it's 50 degrees outside a few days after it was -50 with wind. Not just because the year is just about over and end of year just doesn't seem the same without my dad around.
No, today isn't weird just because of those things. Please don't get me wrong--I truly am grateful for a lot this year: my family, of course; my health; my new writing gigs that keep me busier than I ever thought I'd be; my friendships; and of course, my semi-daily blog.
The following are five things that are on my mind as I type this, in no particular order. These things are adding to the weirdness of the day. Sigh.
1. My co-worker. "Happy Holidays! And be safe." Followed by a kiss on the cheek, those were the last words I spoke to her as she left the office on December 3 to embark on a month-long trip to India and Sri Lanka, among other points along the way. She is due back in the States on January 3, and while I don't know if the tsunami that affected so many lives has affected her directly, I just feel weird. And I probably won't stop feeling that way until I know that she's safe. And if I make errors during this post, it's due to my fingers being crossed tightly until I get news of her return.
2. My computer. Not having one at my constant disposal is killing me. Seriously. I took it in for repairs over a week ago...and still don't have it back. It's been weird without it, to say the least. Dude, I'm gettin a Dell. Sigh.
3. My mom. I know that each and every holiday has been somewhat empty for her. Hell, every DAY has been that way for the past four months. And I can't help but feel powerless because I know that there's nothing I can say or do to fill that void, to make the holidays and the everydays whole again for her. The whole holiday thing has been weird this year.
4. My job. There's a new director coming in to handle the black college responsibilities. It's a job I really didn't want because I was already wearing three hats here, what with working with the HBCUs AND writing for two magazines. But now another new person is coming in January 10 and lawd knows what "philosophies" he will have up his sleeve. I need to start looking for a new job, spread my wings and fly. For real. It's been six years here. Longer than I've stayed at any job. And that leaves me feeling a weird kind of "comfortable." I usually don't do "comfortable." Might be time to shake things up. Take some chances. Stay tuned...
5. My New Year's. For the first time in years, I have no date for New Year's. No one to ring in 2005 with, no one to watch the Times Square ball drop with, no one to toast, no one to kiss. And really, it's not that I'm dreading it. However, it will be a new experience. One that will leave me feeling different. Alone, but not lonely. And well, weird...
**Rest in peace, Jerry Orbach. And all of those souls literally washed away on the other side of the world. My heart goes out to the families.**
scribbled by Will at 12/29/2004 05:20:00 PM
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I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear. (Joan Didion)
The Write One
Will. Lefty. Since Summer 1971. Over the next six months, I'll be saying some hellos, some goodbyes. Living, laughing, growing. Don't.miss.a.word.
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