In My Write Mind
1. What...in da hell...is going on with LL Cool J? He is turning into a buff version of Michael Jackson right before our eyes. Definition, my ass. And his NOSE. Optimus Prime didn't transform as much as that thing. Seriously, I'm scared for him. Seems like he's trying to "fit in" with Hollywood. All I'm gonna LL Cool Say is keep your photos of LL's face for future reference...the saga might continue. Lawd.
2. There was a point in last night's show where I said, Hmmm...this is on TiVo. Maybe I should do a running diary. Just post some of my views of the performances and things like that. Then I saw the Jordan/Nike commercial with Carmelo Anthony and Tommy Davidson...and lost all train of thought. Was it me...or did Tommy look ridiculous? He had a shag. A SHAG!!!! Slash Jheri Curl, it looks like. I will now say a prayer for another black man who's seemingly lost their way. (See: J, LL Cool.)
3. Dear Ashanti:
I hope this note finds you well. I wrote to thank you for your performance on last night's VIBE Awards show. I hope that your new CD sells millions of copies and that your role in the upcoming COACH CARTER with Rob Brown and Samuel L. Jackson is a smash success. In fact, maybe...and I haven't seen the movie, so don't hold me to this...maybe you should concentrate on a career in film. Or hire a singing coach, just for kicks.
Why do I say this? Well, I feel I need to be direct with you. So I will. Your stage performance sucks. No. I mean it. Its HORRIBLE. You look mechanical at best (although, for the record, if we're looking for positives, you can wear that outfit ANYTIME!!!!!! It was nice!), and at worst, the performance last night looked like a Beyonce retread circa 2002.
I guess what I'm laboring to say is this: Stop. Before you hurt yourself. You can't dance. Or sing. And last night...you tried to do both at the same time. Even Janet Jackson, who CAN dance, doesn't try to do both at once. She knows her limitations. Apparently, you don't. So I think I speak for most of sane Black America when I respectfully request you to...STOP.
But seriously...you can wear the outfit anytime.
4. When G-Unit won the award for Best Group, 50 Cent came up to the stage with a shirt that read, "I got a gun KELLY You betta run..." I could guess at what the meaning of the shirt was, but I won't. Just thought I'd mention that. hehehe Then G-Unit performed. I really can't remember the song. It was all noise. In fact, I think I was fast-forwarding through it when I saw...homeboy's underwear. Yes, his jeans sagged so low that his draws were showing. And while I was personally turned off, I chuckled it off before I remembered...THIS.SHOW.WAS.TAPED. Executives actually sat around, watched the footage and decided that this was OK to include. I know, I know...if they would've removed that footage, it would've messed up the performance. I get that. What I don't get is...they KNEW it was going to be on tape. They HAD to see the boy on stage in his draws. They HAD to see the other stuff that was horrible, like EVERY presenter coming out and fumbling their lines, including Quincy Jones, who I really can't blame, seeing that he's in his 70s, had a crutch with him, and had to be shaken up due to the BRAWL that took place directly in front of him...the entire Nelly and St. Lunatic performance, where NOT ONE WORD was legible...and Tyra Banks, who's going into the annals in a tie with Vivica Fox as Worst Show Host Ever. The producers and directors saw all of this. And deemed it OK to air. There goes my head shaking again...
5. I hate today's music. No, I don't hate it. I hum it sometimes. But then I catch myself. So thats not hate. I do, however, strongly dislike it. Save for a few artists, I think the industry sucks and should be shut down and started over from scratch. I knew it was bad when I started listening to the radio and thinking that I could make a better song that so-and-so. Me. The man with the iron vocal cords. Yup, it's that bad.
With that said, I'm positive I would like all of these alleged artists as people. I could see myself chillin at a strip club with Usher, holding Beyonce's bags as she shopped (with her credit card, of course), bowling and eatin chicken wangs with Ludacris or watching kung fu movies and drankin with the St. Lunatics. (And you gotta know that if and when I do have interviews with ANY of these people, I will be focusing on their lives AWAY from the studio...Lawd knows!!!) I see them on television and think that they're just like me...or not. Either way, they all have issues. Just like I do. With their music. Yup, I guess I have issues today. With the show and with the industry.
I just can't VIBE to it...at all. Sigh.
scribbled by Will at 11/17/2004 08:28:00 AM
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I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear. (Joan Didion)
The Write One
Will. Lefty. Since Summer 1971. Over the next six months, I'll be saying some hellos, some goodbyes. Living, laughing, growing. Don't.miss.a.word.
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